I always feel a little bit sorry for Harri, since she has been born she been rushed around from pillar to post to accommodate Meme’s busy social life. I always remember when Meme was younger, me and my husband would spend many an hour sitting in our car letting Meme have a nap but, with Harri, she hasn’t had the luxury, she gets taken out of the car straight away asleep or not – we don’t have that spare time anymore.
I remember Meme used to sleep in until about 8.30 when she was younger, poor Harri is woken at 7am and is fed and dressed in a rush to allow Meme to get to school on time. She is dropped off at Nanas when Meme has a party, lots of her clothes are Meme’s hand me downs, she barely went to a baby group when she was little, in fact, only this weekend she had to sit through a 3 hour dance show so we could see Meme dance ….the list goes on… sometimes it just doesn’t seem fair!
It is not that we love her any less or that she isn’t important – she is. Harri holds such a special place in my heart she is my baby. I guess we just don’t have the time like we used to now we are a family of four, I am constantly juggling to try and fit everything in.
I am always conscious of the second born child – more particularly the middle child. I was the second born of three and I do always remember feeling a little bit unsure of myself, I wasn’t the eldest reaching all those milestones first but I wasn’t the baby of the family lapping up those extra snuggles. My Dad gets cross when I say this but I do think middle child syndrome exists (not through any fault of theirs it is just how I felt at times) and, whilst this does not apply to Harri, I am conscious that being the second born she still feels as important as Meme and has the same opportunities. As a parent, just because we have done it before doesn’t mean that it isn’t just as special second time around.
Since Meme started school I have finally had some Mummy and Harri time which we have both really enjoyed. I feel like our relationship has gotten much stronger as a result. It has definitely highlighted the importance of one on one time with both my girls. I also realise there are benefits to having an older sibling. Harri has grown up with a playmate, someone who is always ready to play with her, she has had an endless amount of toys from the day she was born and, let’s not forget, she also has much more laid back chilled out parents (instead of the neurotic crazy parents we were with Meme).
I know it wont be this way forever, we will be running her around after her before we know it, celebrating her dance shows, taking her to friends parties. I know that my Harri’s time will come…..
I felt like this about my girls too.. it still continues to this day if I’m honest. Our eldest daughter the teen, has such a busy schedule with school, and then with clubs and then with her social life, the preteen is still bundled around with me, to make sure the teen is fully accommodated, as she is too young (in my opinion) to leave at home alone yet. She could be happily playing with her friends in the garden and if the teen needs dropping off somewhere, then she has to say goodbye, and I do feel for her. She does have her clubs and bits as well now, but I still feel like she gets a bit of raw deal bless her! And yes, middle child syndrome totally exists, I’m the middle child too, and felt exactly the same as you! oh and the hand me downs thing? That still goes on as well lol Good post! #bloggerclubUK
I have 3, two girls and the youngest is a boy. I can completely sympathise! The second and third definitely have to ‘fit in’ around everything going on. Now mine are a bit older (10, 7 & 5) it is a bit easier to spread the love more evenly!! Though I still feel my boy missed out a bit on all the toddler groups etc as I just didn’t have the time with all the school and preschool drop-offs, collections and clubs! xx #BloggerClubUK
Oh bless her, I’m so glad to have read this, I feel exactly the same. It’s just not possible to treat both children the same is it? At the moment I’m missing out on time with my eldest because of family circumstances. I see her every day but don’t get much quality time with her and I miss her.
Nat.x
My friend is a middle child and she would agree it is a strange role within the family. I have 2 girls and feel the same, everything is around my eldests life. She starts school in September and I hope then I can have quality time with my youngest X
I think this is something that all parents of two or more children worry about but it sounds like you’re doing a great job with finding quality time with both your girls. I know there are lots of stereotypes around about personality types of different siblings, but for what it’s worth my little sister and I are completely the opposite from the stereotype – she’s the outgoing, and somewhat bossy one, and probably far more secure than me! #bloggerclubuk
I know what you mean, my second has finally got me all to himself, but it’s been a long time coming. I love the time I have with him now and like to think that as I learnt from all the mistakes I made with #1, he gets perfect Mummy time (haha!)
#StayClassy
I totally agree with all of this. I have three girls and I often wonder how their birth order has shaped their personalities. I remember hearing a radio programme years ago about some research that had been carried out in this area. My middle daughter is a force to be reckoned with. Definitely the most capable and independent one of my three and I wonder is that because she was left to ‘get on with it’ more than the oldest and youngest? That makes me feel a bit guilty! She is 14 years old now and I love it when we get to spend time alone together – it’s hard to do that when you have three kids! Thank you for posting #BloggerClubUK
We are trying to have a second so I have found your post interesting. I have similar concerns about what will be in store for us. But like you said there are many advantages. I’m sure their bond as sisters will be a great one. #puddinglove
We have only just had our first, she is four months old and we haven’t thought much about number 2 if we have another one. I was the middle of 3 girls, and i used to always have to find my voice. xx
thamks for linking with #stayclassy
This is the life story of every second born child. It’s the same in my house too. The first born gets catered to & their nap schedule is followed so carefully because there’s no one else to take care of. Babies 2 & beyond are put onto the family routine & they have to go with it catching naps when they can. My daughter is our third child & she napped whenever she got the chance lol I think it makes the second & third borns more easy going though! Thanks so much for linking up with us at #BloggerClubUK x
This is so lovely. I completely identify with what you say. Having three boys I do feel bad for them from time to time. and it is probably my youngest I feel for the most. But I try to make sure they all get one on one time with me and/or daddy. It just isn’t always that easy! #bloggerclubuk xx
We only have one at the moment, but we have been talking about having another and this is something that has come up. My partner is the oldest of 3 and he has always said that having two would be hard. One might get left out more than the other. I like to think it wouldn’t but you just never know. #marvmondays
Aw I do always feel bad for the second child, but like you said, they do get those extra snuggles. I was the first child and I remember my brother being a bit jealous when we were younger! My Mom truly showed him that she loved us equally though which seemed to help. : ) I think you are doing a fantastic job and you shouldn’t feel guilty about Harri! Like you said, she will have her time where you will be taking her to her own dance classes and parties ; ). Thanks so much for sharing with #StayClassy!
Oh I can totally relate to this post having spent the last few months in anxious contemplation about this exact same thing happening to baby no.2. I even started to write a similar post a few months ago which I think I relegated to the trash instead of publishing it! I can imagine this is fairly normal for families that have more than one child which doesnt make it any better, but at least its not just you. Its great that you and Harri have had a bit more one on one time since Meme started school, hopefully its just as magical as the days you and Meme had before Harri arrived 🙂 Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays. Emily
Oh I really know how you feel as I my youngest girl also had to fit in but it does change – however, I’m always more aware of how she may be feeling compared to her sister so I must think she needs more attention subconsciously – not easy to get it right sometimes is it? But the fact that you have time together whilst Meme is at school is really special x #PickNMix
If feel the same about my youngest too, she’s 2 and I only started taking her toddler group three weeks before schools broke up for summer, my first went every week from 6 months old and is still friends with all the children he played with there. The youngest hasn’t even had the opportunity to make any friends yet. The same with the lie-ins (although the school holidays helped with that one). At the same time I’m very conscious of my oldest feeling left out as I seem to spend all my time looking after the younger one. It’s definitely a juggling act!
#Picknmix #BloggerClubUK
aww I imagine this can happen but I guess it is just part and parcel of having two 🙂 #picknmix
This is so true. I feel this for my second son, who is now a middle child. My eldest has additional needs so in many ways my middle child is the ‘oldest’ though without the benefits of actually being so. He’s my helper and my little rock at times but I can’t help feeling guilty that this is the case at times!
I definitely get this, it’s even worse with no 3. I’m also very aware that no2 is the middle one. It’s such a juggling act isn’t it. Thanks for linking to #picknmix